I Am a Great Eater of Beef, and I Believe That Does Harm to My Wit
Twelfth Nighttime: Act i, Scene 3
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA.
SIR TOBY Belch
aneWhat a plague means my niece, to have the expiry
2of her blood brother thus? I am sure intendance's an enemy
3to life.
MARIA
4By my troth, Sir Toby, you lot must come up in earlier
5a' nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great
five. a': of. cousin: kinswoman.
6exceptions to your ill hours.
SIR TOBY Discharge
7Why, permit her except, before excepted.
MARIA
8Ay, but you must confine yourself within the
9modest limits of order.
ix. small: moderate. lodge: orderly behave.
SIR TOBY Belch
10Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
xithese wearing apparel are good enough to drink in; and so
12be these boots besides: an they be not, allow them hang
12. an: if.
thirteenthemselves in their own straps.
MARIA
fourteenThat quaffing and drinking will disengage you: I heard
15my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish
16knight that you brought in i night here to be
17her wooer.
SIR TOBY BELCH
18Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
MARIA
19Ay, he.
SIR TOBY Discharge
twentyHe's as tall a man as whatsoever's in Illyria.
xx. tall: valiant, as in "standing tall."
MARIA
21What's that to the purpose?
21. that: i.eastward., Aguecheek's elevation (Maria is being sarcastic).
SIR TOBY BELCH
22Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.
MARIA
23Ay, but he'll take just a year in all these ducats:
23. he'll accept but a year in all these ducats: he'll spend all of his money in a twelvemonth.
24he'southward a very fool and a prodigal.
SIR TOBY BELCH
25Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' thursday'
26viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or 4
26. viol-de-gamboys: viola da gamba (literally, "leg-viol").
27languages word for word without book, and
27. without book: from retentivity.
28hath all the good gifts of nature.
28. good gifts of nature: natural abilities.
MARIA
29He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that
29. natural: idiotic, retarded.
30he's a fool, he'due south a dandy quarreller: and just that
31he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he
31. allay the gust: decrease the gusto.
32hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought amidst the
33prudent he would quickly have the souvenir of a grave.
SIR TOBY Discharge
34Past this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors
34. substractors: (Sir Toby probably means "detractors.")
35that say so of him. Who are they?
MARIA
36They that add, moreover, he'due south drunk nightly in
37your visitor.
SIR TOBY Discharge
38With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to
39her as long as in that location is a passage in my throat and
xldrink in Illyria: he'due south a coward and a coystrill
40. coystrill: knave, punk.
41that will non drink to my niece till his brains plow
42o' the toe similar a parish-meridian. What, wench!
41-42. plough o' the toe: spin. 42. parish-superlative: a spinning acme.
43 Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew
43. Castiliano vulgo!: Peradventure "Talk nice to him!"
44Agueface.
44. Agueface: (Toby'due south mistake for, or mockery of, "Aguecheek.")
Enter SIR ANDREW.
SIR ANDREW
45Sir Toby Belch! how at present, Sir Toby Discharge?
SIR TOBY BELCH
46Sweet Sir Andrew!
SIR ANDREW
47Bless you, fair shrew.
MARIA
48And you too, sir.
SIR TOBY Belch
49Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
SIR ANDREW
lWhat'southward that?
SIR TOBY BELCH
51My niece's chambermaid.
51. chambermaid: lady in waiting, companion.
SIR ANDREW
52Skillful Mistress Accost, I desire better
53acquaintance.
MARIA
54My name is Mary, sir.
SIR ANDREW
55Good Mistress Mary Address, —
SIR TOBY Belch
56You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her,
57lath her, woo her, assail her.
SIR ANDREW
58By my troth, I would not undertake her in
59this company. Is that the significant of 'accost'?
MARIA
lxFare you well, gentlemen.
SIR TOBY Belch
61An m let part so, Sir Andrew, would chiliad
61. An thou let role so: if you allow her just leave.
62mightst never draw sword again.
61-62. m mightst never depict sword again: i.e., y'all tin can't claim to exist a real man.
SIR ANDREW
63An you part and then, mistress, I would I might
64never depict sword again. Fair lady, exercise you
65think you take fools in hand?
MARIA
66Sir, I have non yous by the hand.
SIR ANDREW
67Marry, but y'all shall take — and here'due south
68my hand.
MARIA
69Now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring
70your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.
SIR ANDREW
71Wherefore, sugariness-heart? what'due south your
72metaphor?
MARIA
73It's dry, sir.
73. dry: thirsty. (And a dry hand signifies impotence.)
SIR ANDREW
74Why, I think so: I am not such an ass merely I can
75keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?
74-75. I can keep my hand dry: i.due east., I know to come up in out of the rain.
MARIA
76A dry jest, sir.
76. dry jest: subtly ironic witticism (as in "dry wit") and/or stupid butt of a witticism (as in "you are a joke").
SIR ANDREW
77Are you full of them?
MARIA
78Ay, sir, I accept them at my fingers' ends: marry,
78. have them at my fingers' ends: have at the fix.
79at present I let go your hand, I am barren.
79. barren: incapable of producing (any more jests).
Leave Maria.
SIR TOBY Discharge
80O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I
80. canary: sweet wine from the Canary Islands.
81run across thee so put down?
81. put down: mocked, defeated in a battle of wits.
SIR ANDREW
82Never in your life, I retrieve; unless you see canary
83put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more
83. put me down: make me drunk and stupid.
84wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I
84. Christian: i.east., average Joe.
85am a great eater of beef and I believe that does harm
86to my wit.
85-86. dandy eater of beef and I believe that does impairment to my wit: A mutual thought of the fourth dimension, echoed in the modernistic insult, "meathead."
SIR TOBY BELCH
87No question.
SIR ANDREW
88An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride domicile
88. An: if. I'ld forswear: I would give up. it: i.e., eating beefiness (Sir Andrew doesn't
reallythink that eating beef makes him stupid.)
89tomorrow, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY BELCH
90Pourquoi, my dear knight?
SIR ANDREW
91What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would
91. Pourquoi: Why? (French).
92I had bestowed that fourth dimension in the tongues that
92. bestowed: given. the tongues: foreign languages.
93I have in fencing, dancing and comport-baiting.
94O, had I but followed the arts!
SIR TOBY BELCH
95Then hadst m had an splendid head of
96hair.
SIR ANDREW
97Why, would that accept mended my pilus?
97. mended: improved.
SIR TOBY Belch
98Past question; for thou seest it will not
99scroll by nature.
SIR ANDREW
100But it becomes me well enough, does't
101not?
SIR TOBY Belch
102Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff;
102. flax on a distaff: 
103. huswife: housewife; also hussy, whore. 104. spin it off: Loss of pilus was a sign of infection with an STD.
103and I hope to see a housewife accept thee
104betwixt her legs and spin it off.
SIR ANDREW
105Faith, I'll home tomorrow, Sir Toby: your
106niece will non be seen; or if she exist, it'due south four
107to ane she'll none of me: the count himself
107. the count himself: i.eastward., Orsino.
108here difficult by woos her
108. hither hard by: nearby.
SIR TOBY Belch
109She'll none o' the count: she'll non match above
109-110. not match to a higher place her degree: not marry her superior.
110her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I
110. estate: fortune, social position.
111have heard her swear't. Tut, in that location's life in't,
111. there's life in't: i.e.,there'south still promise that you tin win her.
112human.
SIR ANDREW
113I'll stay a calendar month longer. I am a beau o' the
114strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
114. masques: masquerades.
115and revels sometimes altogether.
115. revels: partying.
SIR TOBY Discharge
116Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
116. kickshawses: trifles, elegant amusements.
SIR ANDREW
117Equally whatever homo in Illyria, any he be, nether the
118degree of my betters; and nevertheless I volition non compare
119with an old human.
117-118. under the degree of my betters: except for those who are better. former human being: i.e., more experienced man.
SIR TOBY Discharge
120What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
120. galliard: a fast dance with a lot of tricky steps, including capers.
SIR ANDREW
121Faith, I can cut a caper.
121. cut a caper: make a lively leap.
SIR TOBY Belch
122And I can cutting the mutton to't.
122. to't: to become with it (Capers were and are used in condiments. As well, "mutton" can mean "whore").
SIR ANDREW
123And I remember I have the back-trick simply every bit strong
123. dorsum-pull a fast one on: backward step or kick in the galliard.
124as whatever homo in Illyria.
SIR TOBY BELCH
125Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore accept
126these gifts a mantle before 'em? are they like to
127take dust, like Mistress Mall's moving-picture show? why dost
127. accept dust: get together dust. Mistress Mall's picture: maybe a painting with a protective drape.
128thou not become to church in a galliard and come dwelling house in
129a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not
129. coranto: a running dance.
130then much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
130. make water: pee. sink-a-footstep: dance similar the galliard.
131dost thou mean? Is it a world to hibernate virtues in?
132I did remember, by the excellent constitution of thy
133leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
133. star of: astrological sign favorable to.
SIR ANDREW
134Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
134. indifferent: moderately (Sir Andrew is proudly modest).
135flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some
135. stock: stocking.
136revels?
SIR TOBY BELCH
137What shall we practice else? were we non born under
138Taurus?
138. Taurus: the 2nd sign of the Zodiac.
SIR ANDREW
139Taurus! That's sides and heart.
139. sides and centre: (Sir Andrew is wrong; Leo governs sides and heart.)
SIR TOBY Belch
140No, sir; information technology is legs and thighs. Let me see the
140. legs and thighs: (Sir Toby is right, only Taurus is more commonly associated with cervix and throat, appropriate for drinkers.)
141caper; ha! college: ha, ha! excellent!
Exeunt.
Source: https://shakespeare-navigators.com/TN_Navigator/Twelfth_Night_Act_1_Scene_3.html
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